Alternate Actuality | Opinion | Salt Lake City


Feeling loopy recently? If not, there’s most likely one thing improper with you—until you’re dwelling in a sensory-deprivation chamber. Here are some issues which may be cramping your mind: 1) Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis stated Disney is making an attempt to make youngsters into sexual deviants; 2) Fox foghorn Sean Hannity’s tweets reveal he was a shadow chief of employees for Trump; 3) Bomb-throwing Rep. Madison Cawthorn, who accused Republican colleagues of getting orgies, was photographed in girls’s lingerie; 4) Marjorie Taylor Greene and different Republicans say Democrats are pedophiles.

Also, the employees right here at Smart Bomb contacted our futurist Calliope Luna for a heads-up on coming mind benders: 5) West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin and Arizona Sen. Kristen Sinema are literally the identical one who typically adjustments costumes; 6) Donald Trump Jr. will turn into vp of Trump Media World and disappear; 7) Utah Sen. Mike Lee is named on a spiritual mission to Latvia, the place he discovers beer and ladies; 8) Utah Congressman Burgess Owens is kidnapped by aliens who instantly return him—yecht; 9) St. Peter refuses admission to the late Sen. Orrin Hatch; 10) Sen. Mitt Romney’s spouse’s prized Olympic dressage horses offered to a packing plant; 11) Ann Romney refuses to eat at McDonalds.

Under the Banner of … Very Weird Stuff
Oh boy, the Hulu mini-series “Under the Banner of Heaven,” in regards to the grizzly 1984 Utah murders of a lady and her 15-month-old child by a pair of Mormon fundamentalists crackpots, makes the actual Mormon Church look … nicely, kinda bizarre. The bigwigs within the LDS Tower of Power are P.O.ed—to say the least.

There they have been minding their very own enterprise, constructing purchasing malls and operating the state Legislature, when that heretic Jon Krakauer dug the entire mess up in 2003 together with his investigative ebook, “Under the Banner of Heaven.” Now comes the TV drama adaptation of the ebook—with a bit inventive license only for kicks.

The previous boys could also be praying that P.T. Barnum was proper when he stated, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.” The miniseries pulls viewers into some bizarre points of the church, famous for its now-banned apply of polygamy. Strange stuff bubbles up, a few of which makes plural marriage look reasonably tame: the Mountain Meadows Massacre, blood atonement and inexperienced Jell-O with marshmallows.

Audiences throughout the nation will gobble up this true-crime thriller—an actual bummer for Mormon missionaries who knock on neighborhood doorways, asking, “What do you know about the Mormon Church and would you like to know more?”

Goodbye Lake Powell—Hello Paradise
The Logic: St. George wants extra water on account of all its new folks and golf programs being thirsty. The Solution: Just construct a 140-mile pipeline from Lake Powell and suck its Colorado River water to the opposite aspect of the arid Southern Utah. It may price $1 billion however what the heck.

The Problem: The Great Basin is in a 30-year drought and issues aren’t trying good. St. George Water Officials: No worries, there’s sufficient water for everybody and water skiers and anglers at Lake Powell should not hog it up.

Uncertainty: Climate scientists warn that world local weather change makes laptop fashions primarily based on earlier climate patterns lower than correct. St. George Water Officials: We’ve obtained to maintain all of our 19 golf programs inexperienced and that is not straightforward within the 105-degree summers.

News Flash: Lake Powell shrinks to 25% of its common quantity. Result: The as soon as half-billion vacationer trade alongside the Utah-Arizona line is evaporating. Say goodbye to the pipeline.

Serendipity: The marvels of Glen Canyon which were lined by Lake Powell for the reason that creation of Glen Canyon Dam in 1964 are coming into view once more. Monkeywrench Gang: Ken Slight—Seldom Seen Smith in Ed Abbey’s famed tome and an iconic environmentalist—has lived to see the return of Paradise.

Postscript—That’s going to do it for one more lovely spring week right here in Zion, the place we preserve monitor of Don Jr. so you do not have to. Fasten your chin straps, of us, as a result of Donny is coming to West Valley City on June 17 with MAGA crackpot Madison Cawthorn as a part of the right-wing Utah Liberty Festival.

In his highway present final week in Ohio stumping for Senate hopeful J.D. Vance, Donny joked to the MAGA crowd that Democrats are proud to be “groomers,” in reference to the GOP’s new battlecry labeling libs as “pro-pedophilia.” Hey, all’s truthful in love and warfare and Republican politics.

Donny’s dad was completely happy to help the “Hillbilly Elegy” writer however forgot his identify, calling him J.D. Mandel—”Mandel” being the final identify of Vance’s opponent. Oh nicely, it is only a small element.

A much bigger deal is brewing in Fulton County, Ga. the place District Attorney Fani Willis has begun submitting proof to a particular grand jury regarding Trump’s (recorded) demand that Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger “find 11,780 votes” to defeat Joe Biden, or else. No shock—a torrent of demise threats has been unleashed towards Raffensperger’s household and the D.A. Yep, when you concentrate on liberty, Trump is the very first thing that involves thoughts. So convey on the Utah Liberty Festival. What may probably go improper?

Well Wilson, the world is a nasty place, a horrible place to dwell, however we do not wish to die. So you and the fellows within the band will need to have one thing up your sleeve that can assist gird our loins so we are able to take pleasure in Mother Earth and her lovely spring:

As I stroll by means of
This depraved world
Searchin’ for mild within the darkness of madness.
I ask myself
Is all hope misplaced?
Is there solely ache and hatred, and distress?

And every time I really feel like this inside
There’s one factor I wanna know
What’s so humorous ’bout peace love & understanding?
What’s so humorous ’bout peace love & understanding?

And as I stroll on
Through troubled instances
My spirit will get so downhearted typically
So the place are the sturdy
And who’re the trusted?
And the place is the concord?
Sweet concord

‘Cause every time I really feel it slippin’ away, simply makes me wanna cry
What’s so humorous ’bout peace love & understanding?
What’s so humorous ’bout peace love & understanding?
“Peace, Love and Understanding”—Elvis Costello

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